分卷阅读106
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服气,又捏了几粒花生米,流里流气地往嘴里丢,“你看不惯的就是痞子样?”
他说完不解气,嘴里嘟囔着老封建。
半瓶白酒下肚,岑沛安发泄似的,猛灌半杯。屋里空调老旧,冷风不强,岑沛安身上一阵热意,他解开衬衫扣子,露出洇着桃色的锁骨。
沈捷知道他心里憋着气,也没拦着。
从餐馆出来,天上变得繁星点点,岑沛安脚下微微趔趄,他仰头盯着夜幕,看久了眼神有点迷离。
沈捷手臂护在他腰后,“回哪?”
岑沛安不答,他垂下视线,沿着地砖的缝隙走直线。不远处有个小公园,草地漆着雨水,湿漉漉的,岑沛安不管不顾,在天幕遮挡的地方坐下。
“哪也不回,今天夜不归宿。”
岑沛安就那么躺下,望着广袤的夜空,酒意袭来,让他脑海里突然浮现出,上学时喝醉酒,和室友躺在学校球场的场景。
一瞬间,他发现原来距离上一次彻底放肆,无所顾忌已经过去了这么长的时间。
沈捷眸光沉了沉,说不上来什么感受,一颗心吊着难受,他挨着岑沛安坐下,托起他的后脑勺,让他枕在自己腿上。
一段沉默下,岑沛安拿过西装外套,盖在脑袋上,“其实我从小到大不管干什么都不是最出色的,反而经常拖后腿。”
“学钢琴的时候,亦冉总是比我学得快...”
“书法我也没有严旭厉害...”
“他俩考学的时候有目标,有规划,而我稀里糊涂地就读了大学,毕业后到现在也是一事无成。”
沉寂中,只有岑沛安喑哑哽咽的声音,“可是在遇见你之前我从来没有觉得自己很差劲...”
“沛安,我明白...”
“你不明白。”岑沛安打断他,委屈地喃喃道,“你才不明白。”
他说完停顿两秒,接着说,“又没有人会说你配不上我...”
这句话始料未及,沈捷愣了好一会儿,他面色微沉,拿出平日那副强势口吻,“谁在你面前说什么了?”
“没。”
岑沛安捂着外套,把自己蒙得严严实实,声音又轻又小,雨后的凉风一吹,绕在人耳边,听得人心里痒。
“那你垂头丧气半个月是因为什么?”沈捷纵容他,在他面前惯常隐起冷硬气场,鲜有眼下这幅模样,“说我听听。”
岑沛安不吭声,满肚子委屈,磨蹭半天,沈捷伸手去掀他盖在脸上的西装外套,兀地对上一双湿润的眼睛。
沈捷脸上平静,眼底笑意明显,“沛安,你不该胡思乱想。”
“我没胡思乱想,是他们先针对我的。”
“谁?”
“你身边那些人。”
岑沛安不遮不掩,理直气壮,挨个把沈捷身边那些针对过他的人罗列出来,告状的孩子脾性和从前一模一样。
等他撒完气,沈捷垂下视线,他逆光坐,深邃眼窝更显得淡漠,语气里也是寒意,问:“还有谁?”
岑沛安枕着他腿,抬头和他对视,抿唇思索是不是说得太过,过了一会儿说,“没了。”
“沛安,你想得太多。”沈捷直言,用手背蹭他绯红脸颊,“你没有一事无成,你勇敢又有生命力,同理心,共情力也很强。”
安抚的动作对岑沛安很受用,他反过来用脸颊去蹭沈捷的手背。
沈捷察觉,喉间溢出几声低笑,“沛安,你很厉害。你不能和我比,我比你年长很多,况且每个人要承担的社会责任本来就是不同的,我享受了身份和职位带来的特权,那我就要做得比别人多。”
“而且我二十七八的时候,很差劲,那时候在临江当书记,本想着新官上任三把火,结果刚去就吃了下马威,当职那几年也总闹着要回榆京,当时我爸办公室里全是举报和针对我的信。”沈捷手平悬在半空,比出一个厚度,“桌子上堆这么高。”
岑沛安失笑。
雨后空气凉飕飕,在夏天破天荒吹得人发抖,沈捷的声音却浑厚带着安抚意味的磁性。
“你把任何一个人驾到我这个位置上,他们都会做出和我一样的选择,对外奉献并不是什么难事,最难的是活出自我,滋养自己。”
沈捷停顿,低头和他靠得更近,“但是你做得很好,其实从你回来,我一直很担心,担心你在国外那两年过得不好,后来知道你自己坚持看心理医生,我突然觉得松了口气。”
“能做到‘自助者自助,自爱者自爱’是一件很难的事情,你能摆脱内耗,拥有自我意识,比我见过的所有人都厉害。”
岑沛安一时拿捏不准,沈捷仅仅是安慰自己,还是认真的。他和沈捷相处,向来依赖和包容会多一些,很少会有眼下这种似老友畅谈的情形。
“我远没有其他人评价的那么好,是我太精明太圆滑,表现出的都是优点。”沈捷罗列自己
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